Adventures in Running II

Well, I just did something I haven’t done in a real long time. I ran with some other people.  I have turned into a lone runner over the years because I like the time to think, pray, and listen to my I-Pod which I usually listen to sermons or classic rock to take my mind off of running.  But this past Friday was different.  I was invited to run with Stacey and Tom.  In fact, I began feeling like I had to run because Stacey sent me threatening texts about bailing out on them.  There was a slight twinge of that when I woke up and discovered that it was a rainy, drizzly Saturday morning.  But I was determined to not let my runner buddies down.  So I showed up at the Runner’s Spot by the running trail ready to go.  Now the nice thing about the local running trail is that it used to be the train path through town.  So this is a nice, flat, safe and easy route to run.  But we only did a half mile on the bike path until we went off the path and onto the country roads.  Here is the big difference: country roads have a lot of ups and downs! Oh the hills! And if that isn’t difficult enough, Stacey would use psychological mind games by saying things like “What goes down, must come up!”  And without the I-pod blaring in my ears it was all too easy to concentrate way to much mental energy in thinking about what I was doing.  And it is just not a good thing to think too hard about running while you are running.  A mental argument starts up where one voice says, “You can do this!” while the other voice is saying, “Oh my gosh, look at this freakin’ hill coming up? Why am I doing this?!? I’m gonna die!”

Now I know that I set some goals in my previous blog but I am going to have to scale back a little bit.  I stated the importance of beating Stacey.  Well, now that I have run 10 miles with her I think I can say with humble assurance that I will not beat her.  Not even close.  And Tom, being slightly older than me, I think he too will be way ahead of me.  No hope in beating either one of them.  So here is my revised goal: Beat everyone from my church except Stacey and Tom.  So look out Dave, Scott, and the others of Team Jake! I got you in my sights!

But more interesting things have been happening from my runs.  And this is not through the other runners but from girls in my youth group!  After running one day I received a text message from one of my Junior High girls.  She commented on the fact that she saw what I was wearing when I was running.  Now I know that there is a lot of funky clothing available for runners.  But I was only wearing a very normal pair of shorts and a loose white t-shirt with a Superman print on the front of it.  No big deal.  So I texted this teen back and questioned her comment.  She told me Superman wasn’t working for me! 

And then when I was running by the Whippy Dip I was lost in my I-pod but I did notice a group of girls who were standing close to the sidewalk and when I ran past them there was the sound of laughter.  I wasn’t sure what that was about and if it was directed at me so I just kept on going.  But I spent a lot of mental energy convincing myself that these random girls were not just laughing at me! Scary thing though is I really think they were, and I can’t figure out why?!?

And if this wasn’t awkward enough, I had another Senior High girl comment on my Facebook that she saw me running the day after my run.  And when I entered into the conversation she said I run like a girl!  RUN LIKE A GIRL?!?!?! What exactly is that? Running is running!  I did not realized there was a “guy way” and a “girl way” of running.  So I asked her to clarify what she means.  She said I run with my hands out front like a prissy girl!  At this point she was excommunicated from the youth group and her eternal salvation seriously questioned.  I have no idea where she saw me running so yes going down a hill I might be picking up speed and moving my arms a little more than usual or if I am going up a hill I might be running just fast enough to keep up with a snail.  But I can assure the world of one thing: I most certainly DO NOT run like a girl!

What is this?!? A conspiracy against the middle-age youth pastor!? I try to run a race for a great cause, and to take control of my heath and my youth group beats me down!  I will have NONE OF THIS!  So I decided to buy a full body lycra suit to run in.  By doing this I completely erase my identity!  No one will recognize me.  They will just see the strange green guy running by.  And it just might have enough weirdness factor that they will heed the warning to not make fun of their youth pastor when ALL HE IS DOING IS TRYING TO STAY HEALTHY SO I CAN BE YOUR YOUTH PASTOR FOR A VERY LONG TIME!  But NOOOOO! Mock my shirt. Laugh at me when I run past you. And worst of all, just say that I run like a girl.  This comes from the reality TV junkie of our youth group! She used to be an athlete but now has become and expert in reality TV programs! 

So I just want to go on record because I am feeling a little hurt!  I am doing something for me for once.  I have done a lot for my family and my youth group but now I just want to achieve this one thing: run a half marathon!  So if you want to give me some fashion tips on runner apparel, then FINE!  You want to run 10 miles with me and see what your arms do when the rest of your body is starting to convulse from the miles you’ve just ran?!?  Come on! I dare you! Run with me!  No more talk!  Let’s see you spectators get off your chair of judgment and join the team of running awesomeness!  

Until next week.

Scott

The Airborn Sow

Well, I have been trying really hard to maintain a work out routine doing a lot of sit ups, jump rope, weight lifting and kettle bell.  It is a tough work out but it has been hard to be consistent and to keep up with it 3 times a week.  I also did some running up until it got cold outside.  The cold tends to put me in a hibernation mode from going outside to run.  But here is the deal. Every year our great city puts on a marathon with the coolest name ever: The Flying Pig.  Every year I want to participate in this great event.  Every year we have a bunch of people from my church who sign up for this race.  And even last year I had one of my teenagers in the youth group sign up and run the half-marathon!  But here is the clincher that prevents me from signing up.  The race is on the first Sunday of May. So that means if you are serious about this race you NEED to train and run through the Winter.  And my attitude about those who I see running in the dead of winter has always been sarcastic to the point of being borderline violent.  Just as all Christians know that there are "crazies" within our own religion, I consider myself a runner but I look at those who run in frigid temperatures as the "crazies" of the running world.  I want to veer my car towards them to spray them with a wave of slushy snow.  Their dedication drives me crazy.  Instead of letting them inspire me I want to degrade them.  Mock them!  Demoralize them!  Of course this approach never worked real well with Christian "crazies" so I only let this negative energy stay within my mind and feel prideful in my ability to stay warm and comfortable.  

So I do crazy-hard workouts in my garage but here is where the other big issue lies.  Every time I go to see my doctor my blood pressure has been going up and up.  And I am one of those people that every single time they strap that thing around my arm and pump it up I can feel myself get all worked up inside.  I can not relax and stay cool, calm and collected.  I get tense and irritated like I want to gnaw this thing off of my arm and then bite the doctor.  Then he does the concerned look and lets me know it is up a little more from last time.  I know it's up!  I don't like the freakin' blood pressure squeeze machine to begin with!

Now that the holidays are over the Flying Pig advertisements are coming out.  I drive by the local running store frequently and I noticed that they have a sign out for information on how to train for the Flying Pig.  So now the war begins within my mind:

Concerned Scott: You know, running is a healthy aerobic exercise that will help to naturally bring down your blood pressure.

Slug Scott: Running on the bike trail during the Spring and Summer is amazing and inspiring, but the Winter is for couch potato pleasures like reading, Xbox, Wii, LOST and 24. 

Concerned Scott: I do not want to go on any medication if I don't have to.  If there is a reasonable way to manage my blood pressure then why not?

Slug Scott: The Winter Olympics for February and then March Madness.  I would rather sit and watch people exercise at what they do best.

Concerned Scott: THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

Slug Scott: (projectile green vomit spewed at Concerned Scott).

So just a couple of days ago I drove by the local running store again.  The Runner's Spot had a sign out for information on training for the Flying Pig.  I thought I would sneak in and see what they got just for curiosity's sake.  I walked in and looked around at the latest running stuff and found the pig training brochure.  Then I was confronted by one of the workers.  He was a nice Asian-American man of whom you could tell by his build he was a "crazy" runner.  He is already cranking out miles on the road even in sub-zero temperatures.  But then a strange thing happened.  My hardened heart began to soften just a bit and I felt like I could ask this guy some personal questions.  He reminded me of the Dali Lama.  I sat at the feet of a great one dying to ask the deep questions of life.  So I finally did it.  I blurted out "I have always wanted to train for the Flying Pig but I just can't run when it is this cold outside.  So how do you do it? Is there a way? A trick? A method? Right type of clothes, shoes, what?!?!?!?!"  And he answered me in a Yoda-like way that spoke deep into my heart when he said, "You just have to get out there and do it."  This resonated with me. I grew up in the 80's. I am familiar with this advice. JUST DO IT!  That's it! Just sheer will power!  I always seem to have a ton of that when it is warm and sunny but not in the Winter.  Yet his words struck a chord with me.  He also gave me advice to wear under armor-like clothing first and then layer up.  Wear a hat and gloves.  And get other people to run with so you have accountability. 

I walked out of there really mulling over what the "spiritual guide of all things running" told me.  I felt encouraged. I felt a glowing ray of something within.  I felt like maybe, just maybe, I could do this.  So on Monday I did my regular workout routine in the garage but I woke up this morning knowing that I was going to shake up my workout routine.  I actually came home, spent about half an hour hunting down my under armour shirt, looking for my winter hat and gloves, suited up, got my I-pod on a Rob Bell sermon and lunged myself out into the arctic world of cold, snowy death outside.  As is typical with most runs, the first mile is a battle within my mind but now the cold is a factor too.  So here goes this conversation:

Slug Scott: Are you freakin' crazy? Quick turn around and get back inside where it is warm!

Concerned Scott: You can do this.  You can do this!

Slug Scott: If you take one more step I am going to %$!@?! throw you in front of a car!

Concerned Scott: Do it for your health. Do it for your wife. Do it for your kids.  Do it for your youth group!

Slug Scott: Is that ice crystals that I feel forming in my lungs? I have buggers that are turning into ice cubes.  What if I slip on ice?

Concerned Scott: I just need to force myself for the first mile and then I will get warmed up and find my stride for the rest of the run.

Slug Scott: I AM YOUR FATHER!

Concerned Scott: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

So once I got back to the house today, the run in the cold winter weather wasn't all that bad!  It was a matter of getting past the first mile and warming up but once I did I felt great.  It was kind of fun to be out in the cold running. 

So hear is the challenge I am throwing out to my youth group.  I want to sign up for the half-marathon this year for the Flying Pig.  I have to do this race simply because they have the coolest promo for it which states, "Get Your Oink On." I want that shirt really bad.  But I don't want to do this alone.  Are any of you up for the challenge? Let's do this together.  Who's in? Let's get our oink on!